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Fertility Talk With Dr Abayomi Ajayi: Dealing With The Disappointment Of Not Conceiving In Time (Part 1)

0, August 27th, 2015

Dr-Abayomi-Ajayi
Dr. Abayomi Ajayi

If it is taking you longer to get pregnant than you expected, it would be a natural thing feeling disappointed because building a family and becoming a parent are fundamental parts of life, so when they don’t come easily, it’s common to feel as if something is wrong with you.  It is usually practical to accept that pregnancy doesn’t always happen as expected.

If you’ve been trying for more than a year, you might want to consider your options. The first step may be to visit a fertility expert because, quite often, many such problems are quite easy to treat, so you could end up sparing yourself a lot of further disappointment by identifying any problem quickly.

A good first step is to recognize that infertility is a crisis and probably one of the most difficult things you’ll ever face. It can call into question the most basic expectations you have for yourself, your body, and your relationship. Acknowledging this is key to coping. It’s normal to feel a monumental sense of loss, to feel stressed, sad, or overwhelmed. You mustn’t give yourself a hard time for feeling these things and allowing yourself to feel these powerful emotions can help move beyond them.

People who are successful in their careers can have a particularly difficult time dealing with the loss of control that comes with not being able to conceive. If you’ve planned everything else in your life successfully and suddenly you aren’t able to have a child, it can be very hard. When faced with infertility, it’s quite normal to blame yourself. But you do not need to blame yourself.

You may have doubts. Self-doubt is common, but most fertility experts know that when people get caught in negative patterns of thinking it only makes things worse. Instead of berating yourself, look forward to how you and your partner are going to manage the situation. When you start feeling like you “should have” or “could have” done things differently, remind yourself that infertility is not your fault. Even if you could have made different decisions in the past, they’re behind you now. Look forward, get educated, read and ask questions. Ask questions and even more questions. This is solid advice when you are facing any problem, but it’s especially important when dealing with infertility because the technology is complicated and changes so quickly.

You need to understand what’s happening medically so that you can make informed choices. By implication, you need to work as a team with your partner. Don’t give in to the temptation to blame each other, instead, help each other. This doesn’t mean you need to feel the same thing at the same time, but it does mean paying attention to what your partner is going through. If you’re taking care of each other emotionally, you can unite to fight the problem.

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